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This feeling of once you label yourself trans, you can'treally go back from it.Now I'm coasting along in life, but I feel like this will always hold meback. Every day it's on my mind, unresolved, and as long as it'sunresolved I know I'll never be truly happy. This doesn't mean I'm neverhappy, I'm currently enjoying the best years of my life so far. I'vefinished university, I've opened up so much after growing up as a shy,practically mute and unemotional boy. I'm in a good place.I still cross dress, not that it does that much for me. The clothes feelnice but the thrill fades quickly, I don't get any satisfaction fromseeing myself dressed up. Only the occasional glimpse in the mirror whereI'll see a part of my body and think, wow, that looks like a girl. Evenwearing just a bra and having a bracelet on, when I look down and see mybra strap, then down my arm and see a cute bracelet, it sends a tingledown my spine thinking that's what a real girl would see as well.It's those small surges. “You’re just in time to help me with the yard work,” Mr. Emery said.“Oh, boy,” Sean said with insufficient enthusiasm to convince anyone that he was looking forward to doing yard work.“I’ll ride the mower. You can trim the hedges, edge the sidewalk, and cut the grass growing around the trees,” Mr. Emery said smiling over at Sean.“Yes, sir,” Sean said, “You wouldn’t happen to have some gloves that I could wear, would you?”Mr. Emery shook his head and said, “You don’t need gloves. We need to toughen up those hands of yours. A man’s hand should have some calluses on them. A boy your age should have hands rough as sandpaper.”“Sandpaper?” Sean asked.“Sure son. Women love to know that their man is a manly man,” Mr. Emery said with a smile.“Won’t rough hands irritate their delicate skin?” Sean asked looking down at his hands.Mr. Emery said, “Of course, it will. That’s why a real man keeps his hands to himself.”“Oh. I get it,” Sean said looking back up at Mr. Emery. It seemed to him that.
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